The Bearded One and I watched tick, tick…BOOM! last night. I’d been wanting to watch it for a while, but I had a hard time actually committing to it because I didn’t want to watch something that I knew would probably make me cry. Well, except Queer Eye–the Fab Five can make me cry anytime. So, we watched tick, tick…BOOM!. And it was great, as I knew it probably would be. Can I just say, this is totally the year of Andrew Garfield?
I never knew a lot about Jonathan Larson except that he wrote RENT, and this was a beautiful look at his life leading up to RENT. Anyway, tick, tick…BOOM! did make me cry, as I knew it would, and it added some extra oomph to the feelings that are usually roiling around under the surface of my calm-ish facade. But where Jonathan Larson was having his existential crisis as he approached his 30th birthday, I’ve basically been having one since I turned 30…a decade ago. If I’m being honest, it probably started a few years before I turned 30, but here we are, as I approach the top of that proverbial hill, with me still wondering what I’m supposed to do/be.
Honestly, I’m convinced I can’t ever be just one thing. I’ve said it before, and I still maintain, that I don’t want to do any one thing “full time”. So I’ve been trying to figure out how to piece together a decent living doing a few different things. As I sat down to write tonight, and saw the reading material next to the couch, I had to chuckle a little bit. It featured the two books needed for one of my classes (leading to a Master’s in Library and Information Science + School Media Certification), the magazine put out by the American Library Association, and the Seed Savers Exchange seed catalog. But this is just a tiny nibble of what I’d like to do personally and professionally.
If you could see all of the browser tabs I have open you’d also see the novel I’m writing and information on how to start a podcast, build a diy weaving loom, install (and insulate) a wood plank ceiling, and start a small business. Next to the books and magazines pictured above are more books–some about farming, some leadership, and some personal growth. And next to all the books are my sewing supplies and my ukulele. I have no shortage of interests, which I think is fun, but it does make me uneasy sometimes. Everyone makes it seem like the only way to be “successful” (especially in this country) is to focus in on one thing, get really good at it, and do that thing as often as possible. I understand that, for many people, that method works well and they’re very happy. Jonathan Larson, as shown in tick, tick…BOOM!, had that singular focus. But to me, it just feels…wrong.
I want to be able to do ALL of the things I enjoy, and not feel like they’re necessarily leading up to some big explosion of fame or success or anything else (though if my novel becomes a hit I wouldn’t complain). The kind of obsession that some creatives have with their work would perpetually stress me out. And so, instead of the tick, ticking (which I think we all have to some extent because we know life is short) culminating in some big thing, I just want to figure out how I can keep on ticking, doing the many things I love to do, hopefully adding value to the world in some way, and able to make enough money to be comfortable.
As my birthday creeps closer, and the project I have in mind for my 40th year becomes clearer, I’m more and more certain that my primary focus is going to be health, but not necessarily the kind of health that most people think of. I want to feel healthy in every aspect of life. Or, at the very least, I want to marginally improve my health in every aspect of life. I’ve been working on figuring out what, exactly, that means, but one thing I know for sure is that, for me, it won’t be just one thing. I’ll share my definition when I’ve settled on it. In the meantime, go watch tick, tick…BOOM!
growingmoxie.com 