Growing up on a farm, with no kids living within about a half mile to play with, school was always my social time. That, compounded by the fact that school was always pretty easy for me, led to me being one of those kids who got comments on their report card like, “likes to talk a lot” or “has potential, but doesn’t apply herself”. I realize how lucky I am that I like learning, and am a great test taker. But those teachers were right–I did like to talk a lot and I really didn’t apply myself. But I was still able to skate through with decent grades. Unfortunately, I didn’t always behave the best.
To be clear, it was never my intention to be a jerk. But, to give an example, I remember one time in 7th grade, when we had a substitute teacher in Pre-Algebra for at least a week, I blew through the packet of materials/worksheets our teacher had left for us to do while he was gone–again, I’ve always been pretty good at the book learnin’–and I legitimately didn’t realize that some kids struggled in school. I realize how obtuse that makes me sound, and in that area of life (recognizing when others might have challenges), I really was–I just didn’t get it. So, when I finished that packet in the first couple of days, I got bored. And instead of trying to help other students around me, I decided one day that I would entertain myself (and others) by being the substitute teacher’s shadow. As she walked around the room, trying to help kids, I followed her. If she bent over to look at their worksheet, I bent over too. She just chose to ignore me and continue to try to help kids, probably hoping I would get bored with following her. Looking back on my thirteen-year-old self doing things like this, I’m mortified, of course. Not just because of how I treated her, but how the other students in the class who did need help must have felt. Again, I wasn’t trying to be rude, I probably legitimately thought I was being funny. Clearly, being good at book learnin’ doesn’t mean you’ll be good at recognizing when you’re being awful.
Anyway, fast forward a few years, and that former substitute teacher started teaching at my high school. I never had her as a teacher, but she helped direct the spring play my senior year, and I remember being scared to talk to her because I’d been so terrible to her. At that point, I’d grown up a little bit, and I think I mumbled an apology to her about my behavior when I was younger. She smiled and told me something along the lines of, “I realized a long time ago that kids, especially in middle school, aren’t necessarily who they’re going to be.” And that was that. We got along fine during that play which, interestingly, was a theatrical adaptation of the book “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Obviously, that wasn’t quite true for me.
Anyway, fast forward a few more years, and I was in my last semester of college, all set to start student teaching at my alma mater. It was one of those days in August when teachers had to report to school, but it hadn’t started for kids yet, and my cooperating teacher and I were headed to a meeting with the whole staff. I stopped on the way to use the bathroom, and she said she would save me a seat. I walked into the room and saw that the seat she had saved me was between herself…and that former substitute teacher. I took my place between them, turned to the former sub, and apologized again for how I had treated her so many years before. She told me again that she didn’t hold a grudge because, at that age, kids are still figuring out who they want to be. Then she laughed, and added, “Plus, you’re going to be a teacher? You’ll get yours…”
She was right–I did get mine. One thing about teacher education programs is that they’re good at teaching education theory, but not always great at teaching things like classroom management. I’m pretty sure I only took one class in college that focused on classroom management, and it consisted of watching videos showing dramatic depictions of scenarios we might encounter as teachers. Then the actors would show a couple of different ways you might choose to react in those scenarios, and the effect your reaction might have on the situation. I probably had to write answers to some questions about the videos, too, I suppose. But either way, not a great way to really learn how to manage a roomful of kids, with different needs and personalities, all of whom have the potential to derail your whole classroom if they so choose. I had great mentors when I started teaching, but when you’re in a classroom with thirty kids, you can’t run to another teacher to ask how to handle every situation that pops up so, for many of us, the first few years of teaching mostly consist of experimenting with different classroom management styles and strategies, trying to figure out what works best for you, with a little bit of time here and there to try to impart some knowledge to the kiddos. I still shake my head at some of the things I did those first few years of teaching–those poor kids…
Anyway, fast forward a few more years to the present day. I’m not teaching anymore, and now work at a customer-facing job. The other day, someone stepped up to my desk. I instantly recognized her as being a former student of mine, but I taught for eleven years and I substitute taught for a couple years in there, too, so I had a lot of students, and don’t always remember much about all of them. I said, “You look super familiar,” and she took a breath and said, “…yeah…I probably made your life a living hell a few years ago–sorry about that. I don’t even know why–probably just for the fun of it.” I told her I thought I’d had her as a student and asked her name and how long ago I’d taught her. She told me her name, and said she would have known my voice anywhere and that I was her teacher in about 2008. At that time, I was still in those first few years of teaching when I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, and I was living/teaching in a town that’s a three and a half hour drive from where I live now, so I asked how she ended up here, and how she was doing. We had a nice chat about how her husband was from here, so she moved here to be with him, and how she’s enjoying living here. I told her I was glad she was doing well, and as she left, she said she would see me around.
Thinking about it now, I wish I would have told her the something like what that former substitute teacher had said to me years ago–that, just like I was still figuring out what kind of teacher I wanted to be back then, I’m sure she was still figuring out what kind of person she wanted to be. But I think she at least understood that I don’t have any negative feelings towards her. I honestly don’t remember what exactly she did to make my life “a living hell”, but it doesn’t matter. I’m sure we’ve both grown and changed into versions of ourselves that are closer to the kinds of people we want to be. And, while I did “get mine” where unruly students were concerned, I’ve also gotten to watch a lot of kids start to come into their own, and navigate the path to being the kind of person they wanted to be. This former student of mine might not have started working on that when some of her peers did, but she’s clearly working on it now, and that made my day. As for the others who gave me a hard time…well, they’ll probably get theirs…
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