Good Fences

The cows got out the other night. That’s not a euphemism for anything–my dad has a few beef steers at the farm up the road (where my aunt and cousin live) and, being the curious beasts that they are (the cattle, not my aunt and cousin), they messed with an old gate, got it down, and went out exploring. Somebody stopped by to let my cousin know they were out, and he called my mom, and she called me, and by the time I put my muck boots on, hopped in my car, and went the mile up the road, those jerks (again, the cattle, not my family members) were just kind of wandering down the road towards me. I threw my hazards on, blocked the road with my car, and got out to start encouraging them to turn around. After a few starts and stops and changes of direction, we (my parents, my cousin, a neighbor who had happened upon the ruckus, and I) got the steers securely in the barn for the night. Not a huge deal, exactly–no one (human or bovine) was injured, and we got them back in remarkably smoothly compared to some other “the cows are out” incidents we’ve had over the years, but also not what I’d planned to do that night. Yes, we need to fix some fences–it’s on the list.

Anyway, the whole ordeal got me to thinking about that old adage, “Good fences make good neighbors.” Even if you don’t speak farmer you can probably deduce the meaning I’ve always taken from that phrase: when your fences are strong enough to keep your critters on your property, you won’t have to worry about your neighbors getting upset that your chickens ate all the produce in their garden and then left trails of “evidence” all over their back porch, or that your cattle traipsed through their flower beds and trampled their prized dahlias. When everyone maintains their fences and manages their animals well, there’s harmony in the land (usually, anyway).

I think mental/emotional/relational boundaries are equally important to maintaining good relationships with your “neighbors”. Whenever more than one person is involved in anything there’s the potential for misunderstandings and unhealthy boundaries in the relationships that result, but I think it’s on all of us, as humans, to deal with our own stuff as much as we can. You don’t want the critters of your mind (snap judgements, jealousy, defensiveness, issues you haven’t dealt with, whatever they may be) running around wreaking havoc on the neighborhood. And if you have trouble keeping your beasts in check, find a trusted neighbor or two (read: friend, family member, partner, therapist) who can help you corral them. And then spend some time looking for weak spots in your “fences” so you can work to fix them, getting help when you need to, and prevent trouble down the line. I’m not saying you should keep everything bottled up inside, just that we all should deal what what we need to deal with. Because good fences make good neighbors.